Blinded Eyes of the World

Speaking of strange bedfellows (not just involving those romantically linked to yours truly), not only is one of the Bush daughters a Radiohead fan, but Ann Coulter is--apparently--a fan of the Grateful Dead, according to Taylor Hill of jambands.com. Now I cannot confirm whether this story is true or a clever ruse, like the story that circulated a few years back that Lemmy from Motorhead was gay, but if this is true, it is rather hilarious.

One more thing: P-Kitty's favorite hoops star, Minnesota Timberwolves center Eddie Griffin, was reportedly (get this!) watching porn while driving, masturbating while driving, and drunk while driving when he crashed his car in late March of this year. While I am thoroughly impressed with his ability to multitask, if a story like that about me ever got out, I would be blushing for about twenty years. Wow!

Go Wolves!

One of Us

Radiohead fans ... have you seen either of these girls at their most recent gigs?


It turns out that Thom Yorke--a classic Bush-hater, bless his heart--has an unlikely fan. If you thought Radiohead's lyrics and music (especially the stuff on Kid A/Amnesiac) were confusing, imagine Yorke's reaction to his newest demographic: the Bush twins.

This got us here at PEHOCAC thinkin' (like we alwayz duz): what if the Bush twins are fans of ye olde Paper Cat and Holly Go-Heavily? So long as they aren't using NSA wiretap privileges to monitor our highly bemused, amused txt msg debates about the relative merits of Chuck Taylors and Checkered Lowtop Vans Loafers or talking about how cool their father would be on Halloween as a Robot Pirate, then we guess it's cool ... right?

No Matter What

Hey there everybody. There are a few pieces of important news on all the cool kids' minds right now. First, the bad news: Gyorgi Ligeti, the great avant-garde composer responsibile for Artikulation (1958), Atmospheres (1961) and Lux Aeterna (1966), passed away on Monday at the age of 73. Second, more bad news: Paul McCartney is getting divorced from his second wife, Heather Mills. Their marriage lasted two albums :(

Now every single Beatle has been divorced. This will give Sir Paul many new opportunities to work on his mix-CD skillz for the ladies. If he sends me one, I just hope it doesn't include "Temporary Secretary."

Even more bad news--Let's face it, my peeps: the whole ninja/pirate/zombie/robot thing is DEAD, over and done with, just like the whole Chuck Norris thing. Using these subversive (well, their primary goals are to maim, kill or [double entendre alert] steal your booty) characters ironically just to mock one's own hardcore pacifism has generated plenty of humor over the years. I've made plenty of jokes at the expense of these societal degenerates. But the time has come to move on. Now people are becoming so lazy in their use of this humor device that they are combining them: the Ninja Pirate, the Zombie Robot and the Robot Ninja Zombie Pirate have been making appearances at Belle and Sebastian record release parties and anti-war protests for months now. And, yeah, the chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

I get it. What Holly is saying is that it is time to move on. What next then? you may ask. Well, Holly Go-Heavily has a few suggestions for making funny ironic small talk. Option #1: childlike references to fecal matter:



Doody Knife, from the Chicago metropolitan area, rivals The Pipe Bomb Cigarettes as the greatest fake band ever. Notice how they are many things, but, most especially, a "knife used to cut poop"? I thought you'd might. That's funny shit (drum roll please)!!!

Option #2: Lobsters and/or crabs. These pinchy little critters have long been a comedy staple in the G0-Heavily household. Unlike zombies or ninjas, they are not lethal -- merely annoying (ouch!). Woody Allen already exploited the lobster for a few yuks in Annie Hall (1977), and since it's cool to like Woody Allen again, I suggest making cryptic/paranoid remarks about "that dedicated amphibious militia of copper-plated Patriot Lobsters" the next time you're out on a pub crawl. Things will go just that much more swimmingly!

EVIL EVIL EVIL

Holly Go-Heavily is using her iTunes for evil today. I created a Slayer playlist.



Right now, their soulful ballad "War Ensemble" is playing. Ah ... feel the Dark Lord do the robot over your dancefloor face!

Speaking of the devil



Ann Coulter's latest book, Godless: the Church of Liberalism, came out today. Once again, Coulter's absolute, unquestionable genius is on display. You would have to go to a Fundamentalist Christian hotbed like Cornell University (as she did) to theorize that liberalism is "like a religion" for liberals. Wow ... I never, EVER, thought that religion and ideology had anything in common--being systems of belief and all. What a breakthrough, Ann.

One thing that Ann never tells the talk shows (she only says this stuff to me when Michelle Malkin and a bottle of Ketel One are around, and we've, uh, well, let's just say that I don't kiss/chew/peg-and-tell) is that she is godless too. She is one of those Ivy League conservatives that plays to the hopes and fears of the Christian conservatives in the US, though she (secretly) hates them. You'll never find her at a Waffle House in Kentucky on a Sunday at noon after church, that's for sure. She's usually too hung over to go to church on Sunday anyway. It's more like conservatism and cocktail parties are her church. Crazy. Maybe somebody should call up Al Franken and tell him I've got his next book idea. Join Holly, the Paper Cat and Ann Coulter in saying "Hail Satan" on this day of our Dark Lord 06-06-06.

Critical Beatdown

The haters are in full effezzeck today. Some of y'all might want to watch out:

Fat bank

Holly, I was just thinking about how goddamn useful your link to the virtual stapler was. Unlike you, I think it's great. I was thinking about how much time it saves me by always having a stapler handy wherever I have web access. But once the ol' wheels got spinning in my head, there was no stopping them. I had my own great idea. I call it my virtual web site. It's located on the door to my living room. That way, I don't have to even have a computer to get on this interweb thing. It's right there...on my door.

This virtual web site idea could make me rich. But even if it doesn't, I think both of use will be set $$$-wise. That is, with our stock options and everything, we'll be what you call "well off". I bet Turtledaub wishes he got in on the ground floor of this PEHOCAC thing after all!

Eraserhead

Welcome to June, folks. It's five days and counting until the National Day of Slayer!!!

Sorry for being absent lately folks. We've been awfully busy. The ceremony celebrating my ASE-machinist certification finally happened. All these people followed me along


and afterward we listened to records back at my place. The Paper Cat has been trying to find ways of expressing his opinion about the newly-leaked Thom Yorke album, The Eraser (2006).


He told me to relay the following message: "Don't worry folks. It's just like Hail to the Thief ... even more so!" Turtledaub has been trolling the craigslist missed connections for hot "m4w" action.

In the meantime, I'm listening to the latest Johnny Cash collection, Personal Files (2006). It's absolutely wonderful, maninblackalicious stuff for the people who actually liked him before Walk the Line (2005) came out on DVD.