Mirror, Father, Mirror

Holly gets total nipple boners for Ghost World's Josh, Brad Renfro, who just got busted trying to score heroin in the Skid Row section of Los Angeles. Meow!

Speaking of movies, it's Top Ten o' 2005 time, baby! I guarantee you this list'll be kitty litter for Paper Cat to go all-Dookie on.

10. The Aristocrats
--A great behind-the-scenes look at comedians at their most politically correct and scatalogical.
9. Jarhead
--The weakest Mendes film so far, but has some wonderful scenes and a new take on the war film genre (i.e. the "boredom" of contemporary warfare)
8. Syriana
--Makes the obvious points (big oil is corrupt, directly linked to terrorism, yadda yadda), but is fun soap opera.
7. Brokeback Mountain
--A heartbreaking film about falling in love at the wrong time ... and they're gay. Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are great.
6. Capote
--The Oscar goes to Philip Seymour Hoffman. Very good biopic about the making of Capote's masterpiece, In Cold Blood (1966).
5. No Direction Home: Bob Dylan
--Covers Dylan's best era with unprecendented access to the mystical mumbling liar himself.
4. Munich
--Suprisingly good effort from Spielberg, and, somehow, he keeps the cheese to a minimum in this examination of the stupidity of the marriage of churches and states. Paranoia hasn't been rendered so fulfilling in years.
3. Land of the Dead
--Great return to form from George Romero. Fun, fun, fun zombie killing excitement. Includes plenty of subtle jabs at the Bush administration and zombies, which is really just a way of saying that people are stupid. We do the same thing when we see fireworks :)
2. A History of Violence
--Wonderfully paced film about a man inhabiting two worlds--rural smalltown Americana and the urban underworld. Viggo Mortensen is convincing in both roles, and the transition between the two is seemless.
1. Me and You and Everyone We Know
--I'm googoo for this film.

Of course these kinds of lists are never complete at years' end because I do not have press-screening access to films that I'm dying to see like Malick's The New World and Woody Allen's Match Point. Also, since I, like most Americans, speak only one language, I've not been able to see many of the great foreign films that probably won't make it over here for another six months. If anybody has any recommendations, holla atcha Holly.

As you can tell, 2005 was not a very strong year for films. With the exception of Me and You, there was a crop of dependable, but hardly exciting films.

I'm already looking

With my 2005 year-in-review music list already behind me, I'm already started on putting together a killer list for 2006. This year I want to find that perfect undiscovered band--one even better than this year's discovery of The Pipe Bomb Cigarettes and 2004's appearance Ariel Pink's Haunted Graffiti (a sort of R. Stevie Moore/Cody ChesnuTT/Jandek for kids who hang out in "retirement villages" just to find an authentic TV to use with their Atari). There certainly have been some incredible jems unearthed in the past.


No, the image above is a shot of an album you might remember from Enid's garage sale in Ghost World (2001). I don't even think it's a real album. But I'm seeting my sights on finding an album of the same caliber for 2006. Loyal readers, unite! Together we can make this happen.

Holly you ignorant slut

It's taken me a few days, but I NEEDED to respond to your year-end list Holly. I wanted to point out what a whinny fuck Devendra Banhart is, but then I remembered everybody knows that already. I also wanted to pat Sleater-Kinney on the back for unleashing the best album of their career on an unsuspecting 2005.

I wish I had that Lightning Bolt album to listen to and render* my opinion, Holly. It's on my wish list. Santa didn't bring me a copy this year. All I got was a lump of coal with a note attached: "This is what I give all the cold-blooded bastards of the world, you hipster douchebag. -Santa P.S. - you don't even write for pitchforkmedia.com like all the other douchebags of the world. louser." Yeah, that's right! Santa can't spell. That's should come as no surprise. But what will surprise Santa is the copyright infringement lawsuit waiting for him the next time he enters U.S. airspace. I took the liberty of reporting Santa to the RIAA. Ever wonder how Santa got all those CDs to give away for free? Well, lets just say that Santa will think twice about downloading any of that music next year.



*as used herein, the term "render" does not involve secret transport of persons unilaterally designated "terrorists"

He will be missed but not mentioned on network news

Unconfirmed rumor has it that Derek Bailey, improvisational guitarist, has passed away in Spain on Dec. 25, 2005. He will be missed by his dedicated fans around the globe. He will certainly be missed the most by the editors of The Wire magazine, who will be losing the subject of about 46.7% of their content. They will be able to get a whole tribute issue out of Bailey's passing, but will then have to scramble to find someone else to write about in every single issue thereafter. Oh, and by the way, don't you dare call him a "jazz guitarist". That's an American idiom. What Europeans play mearely sounds the same and evolved out of the same style, but it has a different name so it's of course something different entirely.

Twapp. shar-sharggg. Twum thwum thumm,,, Twapp. bu-du-daoomm.

I Just Switched to Sanka ... Have a Heart

One of Holly's favorite films, Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982), was just added to the National Film Registry, a collection of films being preserved by the Library of Congress. Awesome, totally awesome.

In sadder Fast Times-related news, Vincent Schiavelli--aka the biology teacher Mr. Vargas--died of lung cancer on December 26th. He was 57. He also had a part in One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975).

Strange trivia tidbit: in Fast Times, during the prom sequence at the end of the film, Mr. Vargas' wife, a tall, voluptuous blond who should NOT be with him at all (hence the humor of the scene), was played by the B-movie actress Lana Clarkson. Clarkson is the woman who batshitpsycho producer Phil Spector shot. Sadly, both Vargases met their ends all too soon :(

Way to go Hamilton.

The Coal Miner's Daughter

Happy Birthday to our favorite menstrual minstrel here at Possible Elitists High on Coffee and Cloves: Sissy Spacek! Today we rest to celebrate your 55 years on this Mortal Coil. As we unwrap presents and slothfully indulge in pagan rituals at your expense, we will also be merry and drink a margarita for Jimmy Buffett and get sexy with the white Sade, Dido, who both share the same birthday as our Immortal Pinky Rose.

Year 1

Everybody knows (yeah, I just sniffed out that Leonard Cohen reference) about Holly Go-Heavily's great taste in music. That is why I am proud to let you in on my favorite albums of 2005:

1. Lightning Bolt, Hypermagic Mountain
--This math-rock unit is sick, and their new album sounds how Husker Du's New Day Rising might sound if it was fed a 50 pound rock of crack.
2. Sleater-Kinney, The Woods
--Here, the grrrls get the Led out. "Let's Call it Love" and "Night Light" form the deadliest two-song combo in their arsenal.
3. Kelly Clarkson, Breakaway
--My friend British Matt likes this, so it must be good. Her big hit, the Strokes-lite "Since U Been Gone," is not to be confused with the Head East hit from '78.
4. Devendra Banhart, Cripple Crow
--Imagine Donovan raping Tiny Tim and you have this wondrous piece of musical afterbirth.
5. Curtis Mayfield, Curtis
--Sure, Curtis is dead. But this album is one of the best just about any year. As tribute, Kanye West samples "Move on Up" on "Touch the Sky" from this year's 8th best album, Late Registration.

Honorable mention:
The Pipe Bomb Cigarettes, Postcards are Hard to Swallow Whole, Even if You Have No Gag Reflex
--The 1st of two PBC records released in 2005, with tunes so catchy they'll suck out yer soul, the power of this release cannot be denied. With songs like "Eating Tacos for an As-of-yet-Unnamed Charity Contest," "Guy on a Cell Phone in His '58 Buick Riviera," "Onion Fun," "Ron Mexico's Real Reason for Icesledding" and "To Know Her is to Love Her Museum of Jesus Candles," you'll wonder why you went to work this morning.

Dance turkey

Holly, I couldn't agree more with Iran's current president. Western music sucks...at least, most of it. But I know there has been some good music out there. Here are my picks for the best of 2005:

1. M.I.A. - Arular
2. The Pipe Bomb Cigarettes - Too Much Love
3. Ashlee Simpson - I Am Me
4. Bing Crosby - Merry Christmas [EP]
5. Sleater-Kinney - The Woods

Some of you may object to my list. "Bing Crosby is dead," you say. Well, all you haters need to chill. Or maybe I'll get the president of Iran on your case.

I'm Never Gonna Dance Again

Okay, it's war.

The headline reads: IRAN'S PRESIDENT BANS WESTERN MUSIC

Now, I'm a big fan of Hank Williams and Marty Robbins. So any country--represented, of course, by their president--that would willingly ban these great tunes is obviously in need of a militaristic ass-whuppin'.

But, upon further consideration, after reading Nasser Karimi's report, maybe they're on to something. The headline is misleading: they mean music from "the West," not Western music (sorry, Holly was attempting to be funny). The headline should read: IRAN'S PRESIDENT HAS SURPRISINGLY GOOD TASTE.

Karimi writes, "Songs such as George Michael's 'Careless Whisper,' Eric Clapton's 'Rush' and the Eagles' 'Hotel California' have regularly accompanied Iranian broadcasts, as do tunes by saxophonist Kenny G." No wonder Mahmoud Ahmadinejad hates the West so much. Those songs do suck stinky hog cock. And, by the way, Ahmadinejad's also a crazy little fuck.

Is it Something I Said?

You will be missed.

"I always remember to keep some sunshine on my face."
--Richard Pryor, Pryor Convictions (1995)

John, I'm Only Dancing

Possible Elitists High on Coffee and Cloves will pour out 25 40's for our main homey Dr. Winston O'Boogie, who was taken away from us twenty-five years ago today.

"Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you"--"Julia," The Beatles, 1968.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

...not. Sorry folks, but Holly is often referred to by people with --the spirit-- as a "bah humbug." Let's hear it for this dude:




I just can't too excited over blinking lights, a corpulent oaf dressed in red (who, by the way, thanks to the chimney clause--ha ha--can't give gifts to the kidz who live in apartments or condominiums), the pointlessly heated debates over whether to call it "the holidays" or "Jesus-po-diddly-pogo-sticking-Christ-mas," the family arguments, the bad music (if I hear "Little Drummer Boy" one more time in my life, I will take hostages), trimming the tree or the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future. I don't get it. Are we all babies?

Speaking of Christmas, it is also an excuse to make corny movies like It's a Wonderful Life (1946), A Christmas Story (1983) and any film with Tim Allen where he plays Santa Claus. Recently, I saw The Ice Harvest, which I figured would be good because it stars the next Jesus, Billy Bob Thornton, in a film that is advertised as a dark comedy set on Christmas (perhaps in the spirit of Bad Santa). You all know what a boner Holly has for Billy Bob.

Well, after seeing this film, I have decided to embark on another type of movie boycott. No longer shall I watch films that have both John Cusack AND Billy Bob in them. They were previously in the air traffic controller film Pushing Tin (1999), which sucked total ass and was only notable for a brief glimpse of Angelina Jolie's nipples. Now, The Ice Harvest, which is about as a good as a boil on your eyelid. Plodding storyline, uninteresting characters, weak motivations, etc. Instead, save that ten dollars towards a trip to RoboFrance 29.