Political Song for Michael Jackson to Sing

For the record, thee Paper Cat, "Little Red Corvette" is my 6th favorite Carsong ... you know me, Dogg, er, I mean Catt. But, technically, wouldn't any song by the Cars automatically dominate that category? "My Best Friend's Girl," "You Might Think," "Just What I Needed," "Shake it Up," "Let the Good Times Roll" ... all solid! But wait, they did "Drive." Never you mind, then.

Okay folks, it's time for a brief rundown of all the current best-selling political books that are presently on the market. As we all know, these books really let us know what it means to be alive, what it means to be sensitive, caring, attentive to the small things (like facts, for instance) and, of course, those "big" things. [Sorry if that sounds vaguely sexual.] They send our minds out on spiritual strolls through philosophical parks with metaphysical jungle gyms. These gemstones of poesy embody the best that humanity has to offer, bathing us with that Calgon for the soul and human spirit: luv--

Ann Coulter, How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must)
--Coulter, the most recent Newsweek cover gal, did some scientific experiments in her Nautilus XIV Laboratories and discovered that one can actually speak to a liberal through a newly-discovered discourse: stabbing. Apparently, by repeatedly sticking a sharp object, like, say, a knife, into a liberal, one can find out that they really are a bunch of "bleeding hearts." An extremely helpful book. Also, there are loads of footnotes, which means that Coulter is really really smart. One of the footnotes (p. 198), #13, reads, "Look here. Another footnote. I'm really smart." See what I mean?

Jane Fonda, My Life So Far
--This feminist tome (with a wonderfully inventive title to boot!) asserts that through radical subversions of gender stereotypes, such as those practiced by Fonda (for instance, by starring in films like Barbarella [1968] or marrying an incredibly wealthy man with a news network [Ted Turner]), "we were able to stop the War, maaaaan!" Really inspirational stuff.

Michael Savage, Liberalism is a Mental Disorder
--A work of true genius. A friend of mine, a so-called "liberal," recently ate a child after reading Swift's "A Modest Proposal" (1729), writing "KILL THE PIGS" on the wall with its blood. This same friend also voted for Bill Clinton in the 90s. Talk about mental disorder ... You just can't argue with that faultless logic.

Clint Willis, The I Hate Ann Coulter, Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Sean Hannity ... Reader: The Hideous Truth About America's Ugliest Conservatives
--Hate, ugly ... aren't those the words used by conservatives? Oh wait, I can imagine the rap-hating Bill O'Reilly "covering" (i.e. interpolating) that old Ice Cube song: "The Conservative You Love to Hate." In this book, Willis asserts, "Conservatives lie a lot." Pretty bold, revolutionary stuff. Political figures and pundits lying ... no way.

David Corn, The Lies of George W. Bush: Mastering the Politics of Deception
--This is that guy that FoxNews always puts on to defend the liberal position against conservative big-wigs like Newt Gingrich, Ann Coulter or William Bennett. He's been cashing in on the "Bush is a Liar" market for the last several years as editor of the Nation. Read this book and see why he's a "FoxNews Contributor."

Well, that's it. As you can see, there are some quality books out there that really do all the thinking for you, and that's what life is all about. I don't even know what that means.