I'm Sex-Deprived, Bitch

After a wonderful week and weekend abroad (despite the terrible traffic) in wonderful Branson, Missouri, Holly Go-Heavily returns sunburnt and aching, having had an inordinate amount of sex with really beautiful people as a result of my bloggy-style. Believe me ... Paper Cat had to buy a case of Chick Repellent Spray 3000 to keep all the fauning femmes away from him.

But it recently came to my attention that the Internet's biggest asshole, the brilliant Maddox, doesn't like bloggers. Maddox, who has brilliantly ridiculed people for their lousy imitations of Dave Chappelle, their sudden taste for Pinot following the success of the film Sideways, and their children's lousy drawings, is now responsible for my unwilled celibacy. [Why would Maddox complain about the layout of this blog?] I'm now convinced Maddox is the biggest cockblocker/twatblocker/blueblocker on the Internet.

And I'll just keep on complaining. According to these people, if I could be sold as chattel, I would be worth $2,007,706, a full $20,000 more than Wednesday's Child. How 'bout them apples? Now, not only can't I get laid anymore, I find out I'm entitled to over $2 million, but the buying and selling of humans is illegal (at least in certain parts of the world). With that money, I could buy 2362 of these.