Dirty

My God, just when it appeared that things couldn't get any stranger at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, a report in last week's Time magazine suggests that during the U.S.'s "interrogation" of Taliban and al-Qaeda terrorists, one form of torture involved playing music by Christina Aguilera (for more background on this story, click on this link).

Now, don't get me wrong. I will stand by my government's position on Ms. Aguilera's music--that it is torturous to listen to. Just imagine Barbara Streisand stuck inside Paris Hilton's body and you get that intellectual beast known as Christina Aguilera. But if my country really wants to torture these dudes, they should play them some music by my band!

I know you're thinking: Holly, you're probably going for some sorta retroriotgrrrrl VGI stuff because of your gender-persuasion and committment to hardcore radical alternativism. You could be farther from the truth. I'm all about MMM: Metal Machine Music. The Paper Cat contributed some licks, but his heart was just not in it. We almost came to blows, but we reconciled. For those of you who've seen that terrible film with Audrey Hepburn in it, you know how Holly loves cats! Though we remain buddies, our songwriting philosophies will relegate me to the "one Wo-man band" bin in your local record store ... eventually!

Pure Cacophony for Now People ... that's my musical mantra and philosophy. But I'm having a hard time coming up with band names. I think that just the right name, along with perfect combination of squawks, squeals, and electronic static with help scare those terrorists into revealing the present whereabouts of Osama bin Laden (never mind the fact they've been apprehended for well over three years now). Here are some names I've been considering:

Chainsaw Accident
Burnt Flag Bongwater
The Pipe Bomb Cigarettes
The Annoying Amber Bills [holla atcha boy ZeKeith McFisto]
Rectums and Tennis Rackets
The Sweaty Backs
Slunk Meat Buffet
The Milk-Mustache'd Kittens
Armpit Stubble
Death Valley Igloo

& [last, but definitely not least]

George Peppard is Satan

I've only got one song so far--a 27-minute screed against Cheese, called "My Honey Eats Weird Food." If you have any names to suggest, please leave a comment.