Holly you disgust me.

That picture makes me feel dirty in a way that requires industrial grade cleaning solvents. I guess I'll have to start believing in Evil incarnate, the devil, because THAT CAN BE THE ONLY ORIGIN OF THAT PICTURE. Thank you for sparing me from audio to go with the picture. That is probably why I still have a pulse right now.

But I have other issues right now. Holly, you eat meat and other animal products. I'm trying so hard not to be squeemish about that little fact. I of course don't wear leather shoes or eat cheese or steaks. I don't know how you live with yourself with what they do to animals to get all that meat and fur and stuff. But don't worry, I'll still talk to you. I'm trying ever so hard to not be one of those high-minded vegans who hold my moral superiority over your head at every opportunity. I'm much too sweet to do that to you! Besides, the blog must go on despite your questionable moral fiber.

What is really important is that you don't disclose your animal murdering, animal product using nature on Friendster, MySpace, Orkut, or in a Craigslist personal ad. It's like this Holly. You know all the girls* on there are vegans, or vegetarians, and the boys, well, them too. That means you have to throw them a bone. Not literally of course! Yuck. You also better come up with a smug and condescending attitude quick. No one responds to sweet, genuine ads or profiles. I think hanging out with Vincent Gallo for a few months might get you on your way. Then, of course, there is the issue of where to focus your energies. Friendster was so 2003. Orkut was so 2004. MySpace, finally, after lying fallow all these years, might be the ticket in 2005. You won't need to worry about what to write in your profile. What you have is fine. As long as you are a woman looking for a man and I will personally guarnatee results (the results I guarantee are only a slight itching and burning sensation between the toes).

Holly, can hipster street cred be measured by how often people remind you to bathe?


*Be sure to check out the archives for the first time I questioned Holly's man/womynhood