In Limbo?

According to a new document produced by the Roman Catholic Church titled "The Hope of Salvation for Infants Who Die Without Being Baptised," limbo is no more. I'm so glad this is cleared up now. In it, the authors conclude, "the many factors that we have considered ... give serious theological and liturgical grounds for hope that unbaptised infants who die will be saved and enjoy the beatific vision." Rumor has it one version of the document also "hoped" that all unbaptised infants who die would go to Candyland for all eternity, but the American Dental Association objected, claiming that the toothless should not mock the toothed and cavity-plagued living with their eternal consumption of wonderful sweets.

On a much more serious note, PEHOCAC sends our condolences out to the victims of the Virginia Tech Massacre on Monday April 16 and to all those who have been distressed by the media's (particularly NBC's) continual coverage of this unfortunate event.

Father Figure

Holly, for some reason, has great insight into the male psyche. That is why this photo from the front page of most newspapers across the country today confuses me:

I have never seen a man get more excited about the news that he is the illegitimate father of a baby girl. You'd think he was Rocky Balboa, celebrating the fact that he jogged through Philadelphia without getting arrested for steroid possession. I wonder why he's so excited?

P.Kitty, I'm very glad you're working on PEHOCAC's "official" history/herstory, the she-said-he-said struggle for the freedom to blog intelligently, humorously, truthfully and hyperbolic-like. The mainstream media can criticize us for being "confrontational," "controversial," "maintaining an extremely limited reading audience" and as "constantly taking one step forward, two steps back." Just wait, mainstream media, just wait. You'll see. As I told The Paper Cat for his book, "We're so far ahead of our times that we actually see the backs of our own heads." Suck on that, Larry King.

Killer

Well, Holly has it right on numerous counts. For one, our "vacation" has been a blast [of cold, high pressure water]. I, for one, had a lot of fun in the pool [being water boarded]. But in the end, [having refused to surrender the logon password to PEHOCAC,] I think the trip was could have worked out even better [for the guards].

But Holly is also right on another count, even if she didn't provide quite the whole story. If you think Vote for the Worst is out to "ruin" American Idol, then you probably realize that 神田ブログ is trying to ruin PEHOCAC. Yeah, you can believe I'm pissed. I mean, can you believe they are trying to vote me off the blog? I mean, we don't even accept votes! Well, I guess we do if readers send them, but we don't do anything with them. Shit, that's not even true. I would probably try to sell them on eBay.

But I've been busy since "vacation" ended. I've started to write a book. The working title is "A People's History of PEHOCAC". I hope to fill it with all the stuff that mainstream historians want to don't want you to know about the blog because it doesn't fit with the "accepted mythology" of Holly and me being unerring comic geniuses with our fingers on the pulses of both Hulk Hogan and the international literary avant-guard. Like how how the seemingly most stupidest posts are really the best, because our real audience hasn't even been born yet. Or how the blog was on the brink of being shut down for not paying our blog bills, before Turtledaub pointed out that we don't pay any blog bills. Hopefully Ann Coulter reviews this bad boy when it's finished.

Fake Plastic Mlamlamla

Sorry kiddies for the long absence. The Paper Cat and myself were "removed" from our "previous situation" and "debriefed" by "attorneys working for the 'government.'" The Paper Cat will talk more about this delicate situation when he "returns from vacation." And no, this is not a "cypher" [wink, wink!!].

The only really important thing that has happened to civilization since last we spoke has been its very decline, aka the continued attention paid to American Idol. I've seen one episode ever about three years ago (my predictable quick capsule review: it sucked ... hard), so I cannot be called an "expert" on these "important matters" which I'm repetitively referring to in "quotations."

But since I am an American, I just happen to be aware of the current controversy surrounding "singer" Sanjaya Malakar. Apparently he's quite bad, but keeps winning because of his looks (I, for the record, am pleased to see a young man of Bengali/Italian American descent causing so many young hearts to swoon) and because of a website called Vote for the Worst which seems to be a hilarious attempt to sabotage the show.

More intriguing perhaps is the claim by the show's main draw, Simon Cowell, that he "won't come back" to the show if Malakar wins.

If Cowell leaves the show, it will cease to be watched and it will get canceled, destined to be forgotten like some of these pop icons from the past 50 years: Bobby Sherman, Tab Hunter, Leif Garrett, Tiffany, Tony DiFranco, Fabian and Debbie Gibson.

Vote for Sanjaya!

Then we Americans can get the television programming we deserve.