Just another miserable bastard

Holly, I think we all know who your name refers to: the girl who sings with Jack White on that one White Stripes song! What puzzles me is how that makes you a MAN of wealth and taste. Ahh, so many things are just beyond me. But I'm sure that you--cultured and sophisticated as you are--know that my name is a metonym, because I am a masturbation aid.

I'm so sorry that I haven't the time to respond to your questions in depth. I've just been so busy. I came into the sum of $50, from a patron, and I of course had to buy myself a new wardrobe with it. Things were a bit hectic at the vintage store. The whole experience was draining. I did find a sweater with a big "A" on it though.

Your questions, right!

1) I usually play "It's a Small World After All" beforehand. That way there are no surprises. It's funny but there is usually no afterwards.

2) Duke Ellington said, "The drum is a woman." Is that because you beat them? I've never known for sure. To play it safe here, I'll go with Hawthorne over Williams too.

3) I only listen to 8-tracks and vinyl. What's a bonus track? I only know that my Robert Goulet In Person (1963) album doesn't have any.

If they had computers and e-mail and all that fifty years ago, then my life would be simpler. Don't you think Holly?

--The Paper Cat, Feb 25 2005 Minneapolis