... I'm a Man of Wealth and Taste

Please allow myself to introduce ... myself. For the purposes of this blogumentary, I will be known as Holly Go-Heavily, which is a reference to something -- I forget. Titled, for the time being, Possible Elitists High on Coffee and Cloves, myself, along with The Paper Cat, will wow y'all with our amazingly perceptible remarks on various modes of artistic expression (particularly music, film and literature). We will also deploy our razor-sharp wit to desecrate certain overgrown redwoods of popular culture, which desparately need to be cut down.

Now, my partner in crime, the mysterious Paper Cat--who, I suppose, because of his name, doesn't like water at all!--might disagree with me on how we will approach this blog. That will be part of the fun. Friction is necessary for the expansion and improvement of cultural expression, to paraphrase that cruelest mouth of poetry, T.S. Eliot.

Aside from giving silenced masterpieces, such as Richard Wright's novel The Outsider (1953), their due, we will also entertain some of the more serious questions around certain types of artistic and lived expression. These questions include, but are not limited to, the following topics: What is the best music to listen to during sex?; Who was the greater symbolist/cymbalist?: Nathaniel Hawthorne or Tony Williams?; Are hidden tracks on CDs a nice bonus or a lousy waste of time? I will now show you how I would answer some of these serious, deep, metaphysical questions:

1). Anything with a beat is good enough for sex. Also, volume is important. You need to listen to something that is loud enough to drown out the embarrassing sounds of love-making from your roommates, your neighbors, your children, etc. (That is, of course, unless you want others to hear you in the throes of ecstasy!) With this in mind, there are at least two songs I hear that demand to be turned up loud: Motorhead's "Ace of Spades" (1980) and Funkadelic's "Who Says a Funk Band Can't Play Rock" (1978). Unfortunately, the combined time of these two songs is roughly ten minutes. So, if you consummate quickly, these are the songs for you. But, if you take longer, like, say, that Tantric, buzz-cutted, vagina-master Sting (who, incidentally, I share the same birthday with!), you might want to try making love to Herbert van Karajan's interpretations of Beethoven's Nine Symphonies (1963, currently available in a five-disc box-set). Now if you're having a three-way, follow Kubrick's lead from the film version of A Clockwork Orange (1972) and play "The William Tell Overture." I can only take his word on this, because even two-way sex is an amazing fantasy for me (--too much information--).

2). Hawthorne. But if you listen to Tony Williams' composition "Black Comedy" as recorded for Miles Davis' Miles in the Sky (1968) album, then Williams' drumming just might give Hawthorne a run for his money.

3). I haven't really thought this one through yet.

That is just a small taste of the dazzling wit that will be provided on this blog. Through our observations, we hope to change the world or something.

--Holly Go-Heavily, Feb 25 2005 Washington DC